Could we be Heros?

I have a problem. The problem is that I emotionally cut myself off from things. My girlfriend Maya complains often that I do this, but of course I don't really feel much about it. One thing however, that does always manage to pull the strings of my (empty?) heart are accounts of war hero's. Perhaps I've inherited this from my mother, who on many occasion, I have wandered downstairs on a Sunday only to find her bawling over the images of old soldiers commemorating there lost buddies.

It is to this end that i find myself writing this article. Having read today's Times obituaries, something that i like to do (it feeds my complex about under achievement, leading to depression and an inability to get on with what I'm supposed to be doing), -the joys of which I will expunge in further detail on another blog edition I'm sure - I was once again drawn into melancholy. The first obituary was of Petty Officer William Laity. Twice sunk, on the first occasion swimming for four and a half hours, most of the time supporting a wounded mate, who eventually died from blood loss, he was finally plucked from the sea near Crete wearing nothing more than some underwear and a single sock. The second time his ship was sunk, he battled through smoke and flames to rescue a friend - despite the fact that he himself was badly burnt- who died on the upper deck. The thing that really gets to me, is that despite all his abundant heroism, which under any normal circumstance would warrant a National lauding of such bravery, was only seen fit to be honoured by being mentioned in dispatches.

The second obituary tells the story of Ron Bowey, who in 2004 went on a trip to pay his respects to his 3 murdered comrades in Malaysia. Ron himself was an exceptional human being, but in the article, it was the particular detail that after months of being tortured,giving away nominal information, on there way to their deaths, according to their executioners (who later committed suicide, an interesting fact in of itself) "the men had given an impressive display of light banter as they said their farewells to each other."

All the above always leads me to wonder how I would act under those circumstances. As it stands today, I'm a coward, riddled with meaningless insecurities and paranoia. You just never know, and please G-D non of us will ever have to.