Trailers/Nine

Trailers in recent visits to the cinema have lately been something of a let down to me. They used to be the best part of my cinema going experience, all the best bits of the given movie all rolled into one minute of goodness. That's why you can never judge a movie by its trailer because the one minuet that your watching can look like the film is the best action thriller romcom of all time, when in reality its just Sly making his comeback again.

The trailers are also important because they basically tell you what the exact target audience is for the move your about to watch. This leads me on to the film musical Nine which i went to go see last night. Pretty much every trailer was a chick flick, including a film titled Dear John which had no discernible plot whatsoever other than a buff man who takes his shirt off a lot.

I don't like musicals, so the film was at a disadvantage from the off, but sadly this was the best the cinema has on offer at this moment in time. The problem I had with this particular movie musical was that the film didn't really have any narrative, a plot rizla paper thin at best, and actors that couldn't make their mind up whether to put on an accent or not, leading to the " generic foreigner from somewhere voice". Also most musicals have songs that actually drive the narrative of the show, but as this film didn't have a story there was nothing much to sing about. The film suffered from having too many star names and felt indebted to pander to them all, leading to basically the whole movie centering and catering around giving each female star a song of their own. That was whole point of the movie - cram lots of Hollywood names into a movie, give them each a song, 1 romantic setting and hey presto we have a movie.

In fairness despite these shortcomings the film was entertaining and watchable, mostly due to the quality of the actors used. Daniel Day Lewis was stylish but couldn't pull off an Italian accent to save his life. However him in 2nd gear is much better than %95 of the crap out there. Dame Judy Dench was underused but great, Sophia Loren was perfectly cast as the leads dead mother and Marrion Cotillard was mesmerising as the wife. So, all in all the film could have done with cutting a few scenes and stars and centering a bit more on actual relationships, but a passable stage to screen musical adaptation.

Jersey Shore

This is a must. Whilst some believe perhaps rightly so that I'm a culture snob, when it comes down to the purest droplets of entertainment, the right trash at the right time is the only way to go. And so to MTV's latest reality tv show Jersey Shore. Basically an update of The Real World, except set in Jersey with a bunch of self proclaimed Guidos and Guidettes, already classic lines such as 'my abs are so serious they call me "the situation"' and ' basically, what are you going to say to a guy that when he takes his shirt of he looks like frikin Rambo?' have entered into Tv folklore (at least in my universe). Not sure when its due to arrive on British screens, but if you liked Rock of Love (with Brett Michael's, another trash must) then this is the show for you. Get ready to grease your hair and turn your body Orange, because Italian Americans are here.Pizzane.If not fo get a boud it.

Went to go see the comedian David O'Doherty at the soho theatre the other day. Thought it was a pretty solid performance. Just thought id give you losers a flavour of what you missed out on (unless you went to the show or any previous shows he may have performed at).

Subo is disgusting

I think the whole susan boyle thing is a disgrace and an absolute blot on the cultural landscape. The whole thing smacks of an affirmative action for ugly people. Basically my issue is, that the only reason why people like her is because she defies expectation, and she defies expectation because she's damn ugly. Since when do you have to be attractive to have a good voice. Somebody forgot to tell Pavarotti that he was too fat to sing. When i put this fact to a fan of the show, he told me that this was not the reason, and that it was because "she was a virgin as well". Taxi to go from the ridiculous to the patently absurd please!

I'm happy for her, and at least now she's got a much better chance of getting boned by somebody, but all i can think about now, is that if she screams at the point of orgasm, it gives new meaning to the phrase ' it ain't over till the fat lady sings'.

The sacred made Real

Went with a Mr.Archer to go see the Sacred Made Real at the National Gallery on Monday. Quite phenomenal. I first came into contact with Spanish Polychrome sculpture in University, while researching some paper I was doing. I vividly remember the book I was reading preferenced these sculptures, saying that whilst we only really highlight the painting from the Spanish Golden Age, in their own time it was these wooden sculptures that were the artistic highlight of any church or Cathedral. Having never seen any of these works in the flesh, it was with some delight that I saw that the National was putting on a show of these works, although a little sad that these hidden gems were surely to become perhaps bastardised by public popularity.


The show is by no means a blockbuster, and not that large in its scope or selection, but every piece was a revelation to me. The argument of the show is to connect these sculptures with the admired painting of the time, and that the new realism depicted in these sculptures transferred itself into these paintings. Whilst this argument I'm sure holds water I feel the curation does these sculptures a slight disservice. I was far more interested and inspired by the sculptures than by the paintings, and whilst the paintings themselves are amazing, the sculptures more than hold their own and didn't need the paintings there to 'validate' them.

The atmosphere of Spanish Catholic repression is evident in the gloomy and graphic nature of the works, to the extent that you feel that the artist is trying to make the viewing as uncomfortable as possible. My personal highlights were the severed head of St John the Baptist by Juan de Mesa and an unknown painter and the Dead Christ by Gregorio Fernandez and an unknown painter both from around 1625.

The show is gory and complatitive, skillful and mesmerising, a bit like a visiting a gallery and the London Dungeons simultaneously, highly entertaining, its all I could wish for from a show.All in all its a must.

Could we be Heros?

I have a problem. The problem is that I emotionally cut myself off from things. My girlfriend Maya complains often that I do this, but of course I don't really feel much about it. One thing however, that does always manage to pull the strings of my (empty?) heart are accounts of war hero's. Perhaps I've inherited this from my mother, who on many occasion, I have wandered downstairs on a Sunday only to find her bawling over the images of old soldiers commemorating there lost buddies.

It is to this end that i find myself writing this article. Having read today's Times obituaries, something that i like to do (it feeds my complex about under achievement, leading to depression and an inability to get on with what I'm supposed to be doing), -the joys of which I will expunge in further detail on another blog edition I'm sure - I was once again drawn into melancholy. The first obituary was of Petty Officer William Laity. Twice sunk, on the first occasion swimming for four and a half hours, most of the time supporting a wounded mate, who eventually died from blood loss, he was finally plucked from the sea near Crete wearing nothing more than some underwear and a single sock. The second time his ship was sunk, he battled through smoke and flames to rescue a friend - despite the fact that he himself was badly burnt- who died on the upper deck. The thing that really gets to me, is that despite all his abundant heroism, which under any normal circumstance would warrant a National lauding of such bravery, was only seen fit to be honoured by being mentioned in dispatches.

The second obituary tells the story of Ron Bowey, who in 2004 went on a trip to pay his respects to his 3 murdered comrades in Malaysia. Ron himself was an exceptional human being, but in the article, it was the particular detail that after months of being tortured,giving away nominal information, on there way to their deaths, according to their executioners (who later committed suicide, an interesting fact in of itself) "the men had given an impressive display of light banter as they said their farewells to each other."

All the above always leads me to wonder how I would act under those circumstances. As it stands today, I'm a coward, riddled with meaningless insecurities and paranoia. You just never know, and please G-D non of us will ever have to.

Larry Burrows

This is a work by a British Photographer called Larry Burrows, taken amongst the carnage of Vietnam. On his return from Saigon he is quoted as saying it was "Quite lively in a way".I have spoken before of certain images pulling me in due to some sort of aesthetic quality. This picture is one of those images. The photo has an inherent compelling narrative - of a black man struggling to assist a fallen soldier,despite his own injuries, held back from helping his white comrade - he, stricken, arms out resembling a dying Christ, except this time, there will be no Resurrection. This is religious fairytale without any happy endings, the attendant Saints nothing more than solders, themselves perhaps next in line for a bullet.

The sense of abandonment felt in the picture is echoed by the actual events of the day. The picture was taken from a fierce fight for Hill 484. A 19 year old medic Ron Cook described the scene "There were Marines lying everywhere, wounded or killed," and he recalls filling a helicopter with wounded soldiers only to see it moments later get shot down, "it just disintegrated in the air." That afternoon the Marines eventually took Hill 484 - the next day it was decided that it held no strategic importance after all.

Above are relating pictures helping us to decode the visual language of the photo. I believe it is self-evident how the composition of the photo, intentional or not, is reminiscent of the Renaissance Rubens 'Decent from the Cross.' I include the Monet in order to illustrate the technique commonly used in Impressionist art of including a bright red spot in a picture in order to draw the viewer into the very space of the work.

Burrows died along with other photographers after his helicopter was shot down in Laos in 1971. The protagonist of the story, the man reaching out to help a friend is Marine Gunnery Sergeant Jeremiah Purdie. He died in 2005 aged 74.

This blog is inspired and is largely reliant on a 'contacts' piece from The Times Magazine

Dungeon Family

all i can say is, what a song, what an album. Even in Darkness. I just well reccomend

Watched the film the Informant last night. Thought that it was quite possibly the best movie I'd seen this year. Firstly I must point out how well paced the movie is, as well as how fantastic the music is. Far from merely being an adjunct to the visuals, the music is an audio guide and pointer to how the audience should react to the movie itself.

The movie is a comedy, but darkly satirical, and scathing in its appraisal of corporate USA. The anti - hero is magnificently well played by Matt Damon, no more so in his portrayal of the leads' walk, which is inexplicably symbolic of the plight of our Informant, and would have no longer have been the butt of my ridicule and Team America 'Matt Damon' (insert comic voice), were it not for the preceding trailer previewing Matt in his next idiotic, me against everybody role.

The movie makes out that on all levels, all the participants are the authors of there own demise, including the FBI.

As so often the best comedies are, the work is both serious comment and laugh out loud funny. The film toys with you and your sympathies, ultimately spitting you out into the light of the foyer amused and provoked. Well done Mr. Soderbergh.

bella and friends

this is in mate keiths resturant in liverpool. if i had the wall space, id love it for my place. its got lights on it as well

how fly is this interior.from a Chrysler new yorker from the mid 80's. too sweet.above is an advert for the car from around that time. i could imagine the some of the characters featured below bowling around in this car
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uv7AbxqxXag



old people

just love it. the best site. www.oldjewstellingjokes.com . its a must

HD strangeness

Just a quickie. Is it just me or is it idiotic to advertise HD Televisions on TV. If you already have a HD television, you dont need an advert to convince you of its benefits. If you dont have an HD tv, the adverts going to look shit anyway, so all in all, what the fucking point?

About time

Its been too long since my last post, and so so much has happened. Not least that steven, my shout for emphatic victory, did actually prevail in Masterchef. To be honest i was somewhat underwhelmed by his menu in the final. It was all good and well cooked and all that, but it didnt have the 'wow factor' or interesting quirqyness of some of his earlier dishes. Any way he was a worthy winner and i wish him and his rye cheeky smirk all the best.

I have also been marveling at the Life series on BBC. With Father nature as the narrator and super slow mo looking more real than actual reality, its an absolute winner, although i find the explaning bit at the end more boring than Jack Straw attempting to give answers in Questiontime. Nick Griffin will have to wait, as my downloading of a new episode of Arrested Development is almost complete. if your not familiar with the series, I suggest you get smart, and get on it sucker.

Be Nice

I always make sure that when i send something back from a restaurant (which is relatively regularly) i make sure that I'm nice about it. A combo of smarmy customer plus returning food is a sure way to have your food tampered with ( if you know what i mean). so remember people, be nice.its for your own good, or that champagne froth may not be what you hope it is.

African Franco

Without wanting to sound to wanky, some images have just fascinated and drawn me to them recently, non more so than an image I found of the Spanish dictator Franco. This evidently isnt it, but is inspired by it!

Stroszek

Saw the film Stroszek thanks to my friend Leo being involved in a festival of Werner Herzog films. Inevitably Herzogian, a bleak but yet sporadically comic and often poignant film about an societal outsider, talented yet defunct, fragile and insightful. The film is undeniably odd, however I find that the power of these films is that Herzog manages to find subjects on the very periphery of our culture, and yet these people identify with us all. I found myself drawn to the character, intensely sympathetic to his hurt.

I hear that Ian Curtis committed suicide after watching this film, a fact a find easy to believe. Despite this, i did find moments of hope within, not least that the actor who played the lead, despite much of the story having parrallels with his own life, actually released an album of his own recently. A note of hope within the moody landscape often presented by Herzog.

precious things

Found these old photos that are printed onto glass today in Islington. Cost me £4 for 3. bargin. These kind of things really make me wonder about the history of them and whether somehow its not right for me to steal them in a way. i mean i have no intrinsic relationship with them other than that they facinate me. anyway, here they are for all to enjoy, and on reflection, i think that the enjoyment is justification enough.

Zombieland

Not a bad movie, and the Bill Murrey cameo is excellent ( yes i did just ruin the surprise), but the truth is, that Jesse Eisenburg is a poor mans Michael Cera. The problem is that the review I had heard was from my movie Guru Mark Kermode. He does get it badly wrong sometimes e.g. high school musical 3,( Never saw it, but it is just not possible that it is anything above turgid shite), but all in all, his word is nigh on gospel. Mark gave it a glowing review as did the reviewers the week before as i recall, citing that it was a movie about relationships that just happened to have zombies in it. With my expectations so high, sadly the film just did not really live ( yes its a slight pun for a zombie movie) up to them. Had i not heard any review then the film might have fared better, but then again, i doubt i would have gone to see it. The vicissitudes of life.

The trailers to the movie - usually my favorite part- were terrible. As Maya often points out, the trailers are usually so good, that you kind of feel disappointed that your not going to watch that particular movie and instead your going to watch some other crappy film. This time however we got the Megan Fox movie and something titled The Vampires Assistant. Need i say more?

The Nazi Chef - Its not Michel Roux Jnr

Tonight the Professional Masterchef broke the laws of physics. They sent both chefs through. After both Daniel and Steve (my shout for the win since the start) got through the service with the chef from Wiemar Germany circa 1939, a man who also defies scientific law by actually not having any facial muscles and therefore no facial expression. In all my years of watching Masterchef, in all its forms, including many many repeats on UK Food, I've never seen them send 2 chefs through to the next round.
As an extra bonus, Chef Nazi's younger brother, who just happens to reign from Manchester - Ryan- who is also incapable of smiling, produced 2 highly average plates of food (is this possible?). In any event the miserable twat got knocked out, and that's all that matters. If I was ever to take an apprenticeship at a Michelin starred restaurant I'd want it to be with the fatherly "pretty as a picture" Michel Roux Jnr, despite the fact that even though he's French (sort of) he doesn't seem to be able to pronounce the word 'Michelin' properly, instead referring to the award strangely as ' MiTCHelin'. Idiot.

http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Main_Page

Fast Food

Lets be honest, im never going to continue to write this many blogs every day, but i did want to point out something that really annoys me. When you go to a resturant and you order food, and somebody else who comes and orders later than you gets there food first. Even if the food they order is easier to make and thierfore quicker, resturants should be mindfull of these eventualities and make sure that i get my food at the proper time.

The maze

Larry back again

Genius, genius genius. I'm officially in love.....with Larry David. Which is actually a bit of a major concern as i basically see myself as a younger British version of him, so in fact, like I've always suspected, I'm sort of in love with myself.
Anyway the new series begins on Thursday on More 4 at 10.55 so be sure not to miss it. The man is a genius. For example, a line taken from the advert:

Larry: "I'd rather have the thieves than the neighbours.The thieves don't impose"

Old Woman: "What are you talking about?"

Larry: " Neighbours want your time, the thieves want your things. I'd rather give them things than time."

This statement, as well as being supremely comic, is also extremely perceptive and shows Larry to have - paradoxically for such a selfish person - a subtle moral brilliance. To him, time is more precious that possessions. A lesson to us all.

Dim

I remembered what the Dim reminder was about. I dont mind going into restaurants which have dim lights, and i actually usually prefer when the lights are a bit brighter, so i can see that there not shtupping me with the food. What i dont like is mid way through a meal they dim the lights so that while i could once see my meal, im now temporarily blind and annoyed.

bit of crumpet

I gave myself 2 reminders on my phone about what to write tonight, but i did'nt understand the messages i gave myself. the clues i gave myself was 'dim' and 'coo'.
Earlier on went to go see the Anish Kapoor exhibition at the RA. Wanted to go in, but at £12 was bit pricey, so sat outside with my mate in the sun and enjoyed the free statue. Often it seems when you go to a gallery theres some sort of rush to "complete" the show somehow. to see every peice shown. Outside in the sun, somehow i felt a pressure to 'justify' meeting a friend by wondering if i should have a cup of tea.its sad really that just meeting a friend didnt seem enough in a way without some sort of capital expenditure.
In the end i just sat with my mate and shot the breeze.Glorious

Napolian

around town

Red Ed

Captain Huglin at your command
Stopped this guy in the street and asked if i could take his photo. Did it for 2 reasons. 1stly just wanted to see if i had the balls to do it. its harder than you might imagine. 2ndly a bit of a homage to the Sartorialist. When he asked me why i wanted to take his photo i replyed 'because your well dressed'.
Old George - a real dude from malta who has owned this hairdressers place in Islington for 56 years. The photo is of him when he was 16. The place closed down 6 years ago and he only opened up so he could show it around to a prospective buyer. arsenal fan, and a good man.

franco - where's your head at?

plummers and bummers

over the past 2 days i've had 5 different opinions regarding the supremely and worryingly large wet patch on my bedroom carpet.not one, i repeat not one has given me a definitive answer as to what the problem is.plummers and bummers

In the beggining of creating

there has to be a beginning - and it may as well start here.